"I thought I had time but before I knew it, 25 years of age became 27 then 30, and I was still single approaching my mid 30’s with the same issues."
Before I met my husband, my relationships were plagued with issues and difficulties. Sadly, I was fine with this. I grew up around a lot of dysfunctional relationships so it became my normal.
There were times I would create drama and unknowingly sabotage relationships before they could start so we can skip the pretence and jump ahead to dysfunction because it was where I felt safe.
I believed people like me didn't deserve stable and healthy relationships because we were damaged goods. When I was treated like anything other than damaged goods, I would get nervous and worried about them discovering who and what I really was and rejecting me.
As the years passed, I saw people around me getting married and having kids and I wanted the same for me too but it just wasn’t happening. Before I knew it, 25 became 27 then 30, and I was still single approaching my mid 30’s with the same issues.
I honestly believed that no one wanted to love me. I didn't feel good enough for God, good enough for myself and I most certainly did not feel like I was wife material. Of course, this was a lie, there were people who wanted to know and love me but I had to know and love myself first.
At the time I had no insight into how childhood trauma and rejection can affect us in our adult life. I was looking outwardly, trying to change my appearance and gain acceptance through success so that people would love me. I was not looking inwardly at what could be making it hard for me to have a healthy emotional connection that could lead to marriage.
I am married now and have been married for almost 7 years. There were many factors that needed to be addressed before I met my husband including parental wounding, not knowing what a healthy loving relationship was and how generational issues and childhood issues were still affecting me.
I share some of the lessons learnt in my video below. Please watch and share your view below.